Question 0 of 13
What's your star sign?
Aries ♈
Taurus ♉
Gemini ♊
Cancer ♋
Leo ♌
Virgo ♍
Libra ♎
Scorpio ♏
Sagittarius ♐
Capricorn ♑
Aquarius ♒
Pisces ♓
Question 1 of 13
Pick your downfall:
Social Media Manager for a financially regulated company
Viral on TikTok outside your niche
Invested reply guy (she's got you on mute btw)
$30k on a launch video that flopped
Wearing Friend to a party outside of SF
Ex Google, Ex Tesla, Ex Meta in Bio (project manager)
Question 2 of 13
You wake up to 1,000 new followers. What happened?
On TikTok, you mean?
You quoted Nikita Bier with your Marketing Strategy
Posted a 7 part thread on being the self elected Elite because you moved from the Midwest to the Bay Area
You ratioed Jesse Pollak
Your 'this is obviously a scam' post from a month ago went viral
You run an aesthetic meme page and own none of the imagery
You posted your chinese peptides body transformation
Question 3 of 13
How many tabs are open right now?
2 (you may not pass go, you may not collect quiz results)
32? idk
58+
4 browsers, tabs unknown
No laptop, just phone :)
Question 4 of 13
Your Spotify Wrapped says:
"Von Dutch Charli xcx", it IS ok to just admit you're jealous of me
"10,000 hours of manifestation mantras… and you achieved what exactly."
"Ocean Sounds: You need to touch grass."
"Every episode of TBPN? Winner of the Performative SF resident competition"
"You were in the top 0.05% of listeners of Château Flight"
"Did you know Apple Music has better sound quality?"
"August was your Experimental Rock Hypnosis season, what else were you experimenting with"
Question 5 of 13
What counts as 'research'?
Seeing if you had a DM from Shayne in 2022
CrimeTok doomscroll
Asking questions in the Berabaddies TG
Watching every Mr Beasts Youtube video only to put $7 on "what will he say next"
Schizo Crashout Taylor Swift Easter Egg Hunt
Question 6 of 13
I've Peaked
Your ex deactivates his twitter account (but he cheated on you at Token2049)
TPBN posts your engagement
Invited onto a Women In Web3 panel
37 users on Farcaster miniapp
Picked up the check at House of Prime Rib
Your ex subscribed to your Substack
Community Last in the Monad Airdrop
Question 7 of 13
Choose your altar item
A vape, stolen from a twitter mutual
2016 Too Faced Sweet Peach Eyeshadow Palette
47 unused domains
2014 seed phrase lost in the void
Time Square Billboard
YC rejection email
A single gold hoop earring
Question 8 of 13
What's your current media diet?
Cluely UGC only
Read Write Own, 50 times and then another 50 times
Snapchat News
4 hour a day TikTok live tarot reading
2 months old Twitter memes on Instagram
Voice notes from that friend
Question 9 of 13
Slop bowl of choice?
Sweetgreen honey chicken
Deconstructed Hailey Bieber Smoothie, shipped, your life's work
Chipotle order last edited in 2014
Non/prescription trail mix
Blueprint + half a gram of k
IV, posted on the timeline
Question 10 of 13
How do you know something's over?
Crypto companies start doing it (labubu's for marketing in Q4)
Someone made a Substack thinkpiece defending it
I got the ick
It's been coined on Base
Don't care, on my own wave
When the Oracle says so
Question 11 of 13
You describe your style as:
Lost in Bushwick
San Fransician (derogatory)
Clean girl
SSENSE victim
Dieworkwear stan
Conference merch
Question 12 of 13
You get one push notification every morning. What is it?
"You have been liquidated, again, perp up"
"You've been superliked on Hinge"
"You missed your sleep goals, try going to bed earlier"
NYT has new daily games for you to play
*5am alarm*

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The Insider / Trend Oracle
Predicts the micro before it's macro. Hyper-online, culturally fluent, allergic to lag.
Quiz Result